well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
