i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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