I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
