Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
