we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Randomize
