Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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