You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
