they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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