If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
