So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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