What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
