I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
