Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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