would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
