he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
