i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
