mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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