y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
