I'm going to rape someone's good day.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
