she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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