She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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