I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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