The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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