she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
