from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
