So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
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Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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