Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
