He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
