dude i'm inner monologue high
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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