my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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