wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You can't motorboat a personality
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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