a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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