You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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