she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
