I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
