I just made out with a guy for $7.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I could make wine with my vomit
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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