I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
