I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
