belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
