You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
