Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
