4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
