whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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