based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
