Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
