I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
