oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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