Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
