So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
