Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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