she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
