he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
