Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
