I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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