You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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