like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
