You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
