Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize