she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
