i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
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I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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