I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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