More tranny stories later!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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