i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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