I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
