Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
